Exploring the American Wilderness and Other Adventures

Waypoint Vets, Gatlinburg, Tennessee

Honor the Fallen by Living.

Child abuse. Neglect. Racism. Rape. Homophobia. Financial insecurity. Homelessness. Spousal abuse. Religious trauma. Addiction. Human trafficking. War. Suicidal ideations and attempts. Cancer. Unimaginable despair and loneliness. I remember being a young soldier in one of my first college classes and being told that the military is made of individuals with few better options for their futures than what they could receive from the military. Despite that fact stinging, it was true for me. I was a survivor of more than one of those terrible things listed above. My life had been so messy that I did not even know then that the things that had happened to me were illegal and immoral. And that is the case with more service members than we could know. The poor are those who volunteer for military service. (Who Joins the Military?: A Look at Race, Class, and Immigration Status) The poor are also those who face the above interactions with fewer interventions than any other socioeconomic class. It takes no critical thinking to see the military is built on the labor of untreated, traumatized young adults who have few other choices than to commit to serving their country at the risk of further traumatization. 

The 2022 National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report says that during 2020 there were 6,146 veteran suicides, or 17 veteran suicides a day. Nationally, suicide is the 11th leading cause of death, while it is the second leading cause of death for service members.

Honor the Fallen by Living. That is the motto of Waypoint Vets, a non-profit by military veterans for military veterans. The founder is a combat vet who has lost many peers through combat and suicide. She is someone who has had a large exposure to the traumas listed above and whose story I will not tell. I will tell MY story about her, though. She has a heart so big that it could crush this world (Tom Petty), but instead of doing that, she passionately seeks to help fellow veterans find ways to get their needs met. This includes inclusion, unity, time, and space through special events away from their routine responsibilities, with intensive group therapies and unique adventures. “Waypoint Vets Adventures combine mental and physical intensity with the stillness and beauty of the outdoors, delivering unique clarity, renewed strength, and lasting healing.” They provide this through donations and sponsors, eliminating the probable financial burden many vets may face to participate in such an opportunity. Empowering potential participants as much as possible, she goes to great lengths to leave no one out or behind. 

Honor the Fallen by Living. I received the email invitation to attend the Waypoint 2023 Female Veteran Retreat in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Within a few weeks, I was being picked up from the Nashville Airport by Sarah (she says the only thing silent about her is the “h” in her name), the founder of Waypoint, and spending the next few hours feeling like I was getting reacquainted with an old friend. Then, I found myself in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, in a huge cabin in the Great Smoky Mountains, facing 23 strangers who have all faced child abuse, neglect, racism, rape, homophobia, financial insecurity, homelessness, spousal abuse, religious trauma, addiction, human trafficking, war, suicidal ideations and attempts, cancer, and unimaginable despair and loneliness. The Army, Marine Corps, Air Force, and Navy were represented, as well as the broadest range of ranks and rates, ethnicities, and homes of origin. The common factor was trauma piled upon trauma and being separated from the structure and protection (even if it was abusive in many ways for many in attendance) of the military, feeling alone in our civilian communities, and needing hope and help. 

I think that sometimes it is hard to use our voice. Sometimes, it is hard to be heard. The military helped us with that because we stood side by side, sometimes on one another’s shoulders, but never left anyone behind, using our voices together in unison. Despite its flaws and how it hurt many of us, it also saved many of us. And then it was over. We were thrust back into the world, separated from the military and one another. And so many left their voice behind. We try to submit to being valued for our beauty and relationship status. Or we don’t. Either way, we can’t. We are more than that.

Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die

Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die

It takes a lot to change a man

Hell, it takes a lot to try

Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die

(Bradley Cooper A Star is Born)

We were each asked to commit to an intention for the retreat and to share our hope for the entire group. I intended to learn what it means to have grace with myself, and my hope for the entire group was that we take the goodness we were about to receive and pay it forward when we returned to our homes. My running coach and therapist have told me I need to learn to have grace with myself, but I do not quite understand what that means. Or rather, I do not know how I am not doing it. I had hoped to identify in others at the retreat how they have grace with themselves so that I could prove that I do such things already (and that my running coach and my therapist have it all wrong). I couldn’t. And I suppose this is where I say it takes no critical thinking to understand that I do not know much about the relationship between grace and myself. 

What I did learn, though, is that sometimes joy shared is joy multiplied. As a hardcore introvert, I have always been convinced that most things are better done alone. I am not an idiot. I know part of my desire to be alone is self-preservation. I am predictable and safe enough for myself. Sharing experiences with others is risky. They could hurt my feelings or witness my missteps. I struggled with the more idle times hanging around the cabin, but hiking with the others was beautiful. I learned that not only do I lose nothing by slowing down and walking beside someone, but I also gained value in the experience. Maybe THAT is what grace looks like: knowing where I have space to grow, forgiving myself for not doing it before, and then moving forward with this new knowledge. 

Great Smoky Mountains National Park

Dividing North Carolina and Tennessee, Great Smoky Mountains National Park is the most visited national park in the US. It is named for the low layer of fog that clings to the mountaintops, looking like smoke lingering over the forest. Before it became a national park in the late 1800s, it was home to hundreds of people who farmed on the land and operated paper mills. Rooted in the history of the park once being privately owned, this national park does not charge a visitor fee.

Sugarlands Valley Nature Trail

We spent the first day in the park with the entire group – participants and facilitators. We met at the Sugarlands Valley Nature Trail for a wilderness therapy session. Although the trail was remarkably easy, the therapy was challenging. Meditating is my kryptonite. Sitting still and following my thoughts with no judgment is a monumental task for me. We walked along the trail, enjoying the falling leaves, the decaying fungi, and listening to the creek alongside us while taking photographs and getting to know one another. Twice, we stopped to meditate and share our observations, led by the therapist on staff. My personal therapist has me walk while I meditate because it is so hard for me to sit still and do this. Sitting on the creek’s bank with more than 20 strangers made it extra challenging. I tried hard, but I was made aware that I have a lot of work to do for this to become a useful tool for me.

Rainbow Falls Trail

The next day we spent in the national park was in smaller groups. One group opted for an easier hike and the group I joined wanted a bigger challenge. Despite my enthusiasm to HIKE ALL THE THINGS, the facilitator for this hike kept herself responsibly reigned in and selected a hike that kept the distance and elevation gain in a range that would not scare away novice hikers. We did Rainbow Falls Trail. The hike was beautiful, gradually leading us to a 1,800′ elevation gain to a waterfall. The trail is well-maintained, with many steps built into the hills with stones and logs.

Hiking is my favorite. Obviously. This day was much needed for me. I began by hiking too quickly and taking off too hard, and I had to consciously slow myself down so that I was not leaving behind anyone. Because I was not the leader and had no emotional investment in anyone’s experience, and I was overwhelmed with anxiety (new people, no control over the situation, et cetera), it was difficult. At first. Once I decided to be more present in the group, not just in my experience on the trail, I think more value was brought to everyone’s hike. That whole joy shared is joy multiplied thing. One of the participants had never hiked before, and I thought it was really special to share that with her, especially because she ended up loving it. Also, we saw three black bears, and a few women had never seen a bear in the wild, making it an extra special moment for everyone.

Gatlinburg, Tennessee

Gatlinburg SkyPark

Home to the first chairlift ever built in the south, the SkyPark is at the top (haha punny) of any list of activities in the area. Listed as one of the top ten scenic spots in the US, the chairlift takes you to the Sky Bridge, which is the longest pedestrian cable bridge in the country. It is longer than two football fields and has 30 feet of glass to walk over in the middle. I thought it was so fun – I ran across the bridge once and walked across it a second time. The views were so beautiful. So many of the women there with me had conquered their extreme fears of heights, and with the group’s encouragement, they successfully crossed the bridge. It was a special time for everyone.

Mysterious Mansion

The day spent in town was a special day of play. The SkyPark is not a place to take yourself too seriously, and running around on the bridge and the trails was a great way to start a day and be and feel ridiculous. We walked around the tiny town and enjoyed the crowds, shopping in the many Tennessee whiskey distilleries and wine shops. We had ice cream that was 12″ tall. We met a man with a pet squirrel who was trained to wear clothes and meet people. We talked with many people who wanted to know who we were and what we were doing, and we received so much appreciation for our military service. And the day ended with continuing to play like children, with a few of us experiencing the Mysterious Mansion, one of the scariest haunted houses in the country! This house was the home to a family that had gone insane after a series of terrible events and then killed each other.

This house was amazing! They created their music, and the theme was fairy tales (but closer to the original versions of fairy tales, not the Disney versions). The music was so joyful and appropriate to fairy tales. While standing in line, I asked a few people coming out if it was scary, and they all said they were terrified. Periodically, a character with a chainsaw would chase people out of the house and off the property. At one point, a child who looked to be around seven years old came running out of the house, screaming his head off with elephant tears pouring down his face. When we got our turn, it probably took about 20 minutes to get through the house. The designers left nothing untouched. The detail to the horror was impeccable. It was the best way to wrap up a day meant for childlike wonder and energy.

As I begin my journey home, I consider how I might take this entire experience and pay it forward. Mostly, I think of my fellow service members who are no longer here, and I think about one of my favorite people, a mom who lost her veteran son to suicide. She doesn’t experience a moment of life without feeling the pain of what she lost. I think of the pain I have felt when I believed I was taking my final moments. I think of why those moments failed and how I am still here. I think of my own child, who is now a service member, and the violence and chaos he is about to face as he progresses in his career. “This country has not seen and probably will never know the true level of sacrifice of our veterans” – Thomas Smith. Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better. I will pay this forward by Honoring the Fallen by Living. Hooah!